26

There’s a fine line between breathless and suffocation

But all I know is the air is fleeting quickly from my lungs

Is it a kiss of life or of death

That shakes me to the core

I can’t see straight, I feel ill, no way to process what I feel

Adrenalin long past, leaving nothing but the emptiness of flight and fight

Of fear, of not knowing what this means, not knowing how it seems

Trying to understand the pieces of a puzzle without the box

Nothing happens like it should so do you enjoy the ride

Or cry

This isn’t me. Or am I changing, transforming into whatever I need to be

I don’t even know where I’ve been

The room starts to spin

Or maybe it’s been spinning this whole time and it’s finally stopped

Maybe it’s reality I can’t face, not the seasick dream I thought was life

Why is it so hard to look you in the eyes.

fear of the unknown in disguise

is it shame or love or something more

I never look people in the eyes, because it’s too personal for me to endure

I see myself and I don’t know if I like what I see

But I don’t want to judge, not you, not me

I pray for air, and slowly it comes, but without comprehension

Without answers.

Regret, remorse, or a difficult step onto a rocky path

Cheap messy hair and a tussled blouse, a little white mouse

In trouble again

You’re all grown up, Little Girl. Happy? It’s your Birthday.