Shock: it's an Event That Gets Blocked

Shock:
it's an event that gets blocked
cause you can't cope like you'd hoped

I remember the prayers to a god I didn't know
The waves of fear for a missing boy somewhere in the shadows
But his car was filled only with the stuff of a man
Without a home, without a plan
So if not upstairs,
Then where?

My hysterical insistence for answers from one
Instead gave me none
My worry that if I followed I would never come back.
I held my ground but the truth I still lacked
Then as I gave in to the helplessness, as if on cue,
I heard my name as he came into view

And we drove. Higher and higher, for fear that if we stopped we would fall.
Until I knew I needed to focus on the pain of it all
I stopped at a crossroads but it was too late.
He had already gone. So much hate.
Nothing left but an empty shell
In my passenger seat, his prison, his hell.
But I shook it anyways, for fear
That maybe he was still in there
Trapped, trying to get out.
But I got no response. So instead I continued to shout.
I screamed because that's what people do
To the absent, the quiet, the lost few.
I was a little girl against an army so great.
But maybe this had always been my fate.
I wasn't given a choice. I never run from a fight
I'll go down swinging for what I feel is right.
I knew the moment that I stopped, it would be the end,
And forever is too long not to contend

One part strength, one part anger,
Two parts fear of the danger.
I took what I was dealt and played all my cards
Until I found an opening when he let down his guard
And like a childhood game of hide and seek
I ran for home base, hopeful but weak

But there was no Olly Olly Oxen free
That could save me
From the confessions, the anguish, the vivid past
The fury in his eyes was vast
Then I saw that glimmer once more
As he put down the knife and opened my door
He finally allowed me to lead him inside
Like a lost little puppy with wounds all dried

And then, he put on a show
To please an audience he so
Desperately cared to impress
And that's when I knew I had a chance.

You have to be alive for more than three days
If you want to fix the lights, the door or the driveway
He had come back to what he said hurt him so
Doing things for others, giving love, unconditional

Was I breaking through or was it still an act
Was his smiles genuine or fraud in fact
But even a fake smile can slowly go a mile
From sad to playful, emotional, then desire

He needed to believe so badly he prayed
And I'd do anything to ensure just one more day
I gave him more love than I thought I could create
No one will ever understand, I cannot translate